So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
