I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
