Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
