...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
