so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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