I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
