I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
too bad you live with your parents still
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
