At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize