don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
