Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
