Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
