as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
