Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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