hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
