as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
