i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
