i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
ttyl tear gas
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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