you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
