Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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