I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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