she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There's always time for handjobs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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