my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
