I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
