somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
