I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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