R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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