I heard we made out
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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