this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
