I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
