Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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