Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize