i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
