I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
