you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
