If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
