Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
