And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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