So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
