I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
