Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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