Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
