my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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