He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
