We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
