I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
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