oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
