saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
