hotel room ftw
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize