i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
