On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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