I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
