my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
