new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize