Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
