I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
