ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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