i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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