my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
