So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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