Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
