this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
