i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
