12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize