You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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