I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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