So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
