You don't have asthma, your pregnant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
