mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
