Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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