I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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