I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
