I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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