pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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