Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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